Confessions : I never throw away all of your letters

There’s always been the first time for everyone in love. For me, it was this name that I hardly forget : Evie Farica Gunawan.

It was my first year in junior high, in my first 7-days in new school where I spotted this beautiful girl. It was a rule in old Indonesia to have “Penataran P4” for every new students. Everyday, for a week, they would send you to sit back and listen about how greatful Pancasila is, along with other bullshit and so on. So, I was always sat in the back row (since my class was 1-D), and saw this pretty girl always sat couple row in front of me (she was in 1-B). For almost a week, there was nothing that impressed me more than her. She made the whole boring “Penataran P4” sessions far more interesting.

Anyway, I did what a man supposely did: getting her name, class, and telephone number….at any cost. It was combination of nervous, afraid being rejected and humiliated, and also hope. You know, first time is the hardest time. So, I did it. In the end of the week, there was a sport clothes distribution. Every new students should line up, with their card to get the sport clothes (it was an uniform, to be weared during sport classes). I waited, not to be in the queue, until she came. Then, just a few steps before she joined in, I joined the queue. By that way, I was right in front of her in the queue (Nice trick huh ?). I forgot about what I was saying for the first time, but I remembered that she came with other 3-girls (Ria-bebek, Amelia, …and the other one I forgot). So, I had to wait a bit longer (because the girls was busy chatting each others), before I could say something to her.

The topic that I was talked to her was “how slow the queue was”, and “what was her class, so I could help her pick the correct queue line”, and later : “What’s your name ?” (It’s called tactics..To make it not to obvious that I want to know her name).

So, that was the good start, but it didn’t work well afterwards. Let’s just say that I had a lot of identity crisis during my teen. So, I never came up to say my feelings to her. But I sent her christmast cards, valentine cards, birthday cards. Also, called her (hey..that was my first telephone to woman that I like). I always found strange reasons to call her. I don’t know whether she knew it or not =)

The most dissapointing part of my first love story was my friend said that she tore up all of my letters/cards, and hated me. I never knew the reason, and I didn’t have courage to ask her personally. So, that’s ended my relationship with her. Eventhough, in the last year in the high school, we’re in the same class, I never have courage to rebuild relationship with her.

But that’s not the end of this story. Around 3-years ago, during the early friendster days, I found out her email address. Thus, using MSN, she contacted me and cleared up the things that was happenned in junior high. I found out that my friend was actually lied to me. She never hated me, and absolutely never ever tore up my letters and cards. She kept it save in her personal box =)

I’m writing this because I heard that she’s going to marry soon, and I’m so jealous with the guy that she choose =) You’re a truly lucky man, bro. I hope both of you live happily ever after.

Moral story for the others : if you’re rejected, ask the reason

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